beautiful moment #5: kindness

in the end, only kindness matters.

Anyone who knows St. John's weather will understand what I mean when I say that the city gets four seasons in one day. The day can start off beautiful, sunny and clement and by noon in freezing cold and windy. In no time, skies are pitch dark and the rain in pouring down in sheets, flooding the lower streets beside the harbour and overflowing sewer grates. Combine that with a bus system on 'work to rule' and it can be quite the adventure getting to and from work everyday. One particular day, it was rather nippy outside so I bundled up nice and warm but I wasn't wearing the most 'rain-friendly' ensemble. As I stood at the bus stop for 20, 30 then 40 minutes, the skies began to darken and I could feel drops of rain hitting my face as I waited. All of a sudden, the skies opened up. The rain began to pour in sheets and the bus I had been waiting to take was late for over an hour; making me late for work on top of it all. Wet, soggy and discouraged, I toyed with the idea of trapsing home, changing into rain gear and wellies (umbrellas are futile here because of the wind unless you carry an inside out umbrella to collect rainwater) but I would have been all the more frustrated had my bus come when I went to change. Becoming increasingly discouraged, I braced myself for every splash from passing cars zooming through puddles and leaving me soaked on the roadside. Taking off one of my shoes, I actually dumped water from it and was able to wring water out of my touque.

Just as I was about to head home after two hours of waiting, I saw a lady approaching with a bunch of bags and a small cart stuffed with clothes, dishware and toiletries, clearly toting what few possessions she had with her. She came over to me and asked where I was going to and told me she was hoping to take the same bus. She took one look at how wet I was and asked how long I was waiting. Appalled, she reached in her bag and grabbed a poncho-like coat, threw it over my shoulders adn stood in front of me with her umbrella extended toward the street and shielding her legs from the passing traffic. Although we waited for almost 30 minutes before our bus came, she stayed there keeping the two of us dry.

I was so grateful and so inspired by her kindness and selflessness. For someone who had so little to give in terms of possesions, she was rich in love and spirit, giving me what she could to keep me dry. But more impressive than that was that the most important gift she gave me did not have a price tage or monetary value but was simply showing kindess to a complete stranger. If all people looked out for each other in this way, instead of simply throwing spare change in a cup or signing a cheque in the hopes of finding a solution, the world would be a place of peacemakers and world-changers and we would no longer have to look to find ourselves in the face of a stranger.

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“It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters.” - Mother Teresa

beautiful moment #4: wear your heart like a sweater.

you've got a heart on fire, it's bursting with desires.

you've for a heart filled with passion,

will you let it burn for hate or love with compassion.

My volunteer work for the last three months had been at a drop-in art studio for resilient youth. We offer a free-space to be creative through whatever means you feel allows you to best express yourself. Through free workshops in art, music, theatre, film and literacy, as well as assistance looking for housing, employment or obtaining social assistance. From simply giving the teens a warm healthy meal to fill their tummies, someone to talk to to clear their head or giving a helping hand with a project in the works. I have been greatly impacted by all the youth at the centre. No volunteer leaves unchanged by the contagious joy of the youth or the passion and dedication of the volunteers.

One particular volunteer was working in the studio for a placement in her program at school. This woman put so much time and effort into everything she did, doing it with so much love and generousity. After hearing her life story, I admired her even more. Having spent her entire life taking care of others - her siblings, her mother, her husband, her children -and encountering more trials along thet way that tested and strengthened her spirit. She finally decided in her 40s to go back to school to pursue a career in... caring. Getting to know her for seven weeks, I knew this lady didn't need a diploma to know how to care, she could write the textbooks. When the youth would tell her their life stories, read, perform or show her their work, her eyes would fill with tears. Just as I felt so much of what I was surrounded by was foreign -- homelessness, poverty, AIDS, addiction, abuse, prostitution -- she also felt this way but the empathy that she showed was so genuine that it could deceive you into thinking that she too had experience their pain. What I most admired about her was her ability to wear her heart on her sleeve, to not hold back. If something brought on tears, she would cry. If something was funny, she would laugh until it hurt.

During these last three months, I have had the opportunity to do some self-examination and I have realizedjust how reserved I am with my emotions, whether they are that of frustration, joy, sadness or appreciation. I realized how much I admire that quality in others: the ability to be emotionally free and I feel that it is time to seek that quality within myself so I can love deeper, cry harder and laugh louder. By not being too proud to show my feelings, humility will release me from being emotionally bland, instead flavouring my life with the spices of hope, pain, compassion, love, joy, sadness, gratefulness and peace.

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"To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded." - Ralph Waldo Emmerson

beautiful moment #3: love, regardless.

unplayed pianos are often by a window,

in a room where nobody loved goes

sits alone with a silent song

somebody bring her home.

My volunteer placement in St. John's has been an absolute joy and blessing to me. I have met so many beautiful souls who have broke my heart with their stories but inspire me daily with their courage. They have all impacted me in a unique way but one young lady's strength and grace has engrained itself in my heart. One day, as I was walking by the music hall in the studio's drop in centre, I heard the melody of "Beautiful" by Christina Aguileira playing from the piano. Following the tune, I walked in the room to find a stunning young lady sitting at the piano, humming along, her fingers dancing on the keys. I started to sing along, 'You are beautiful in every single way. Words can't bring you down." She opened her eyes, smiled and stopped playing. I told her she should keep playing but she said she felt to shy because she had never had professional training or lessons. This shocked me because she sounded so well-trained, but as it turns out, she only plays the songs by ear. I introduced myself and we began to talk. She told me about her childhood, living with an abusive family, being taken from them to live with foster families. As a child, she felt like a burden and outsider as she was juggled from home to home, enduring molestation, abuse and neglect. At 12, she ran away from it all, living on the streets and selling herself to survive, afraid to let go of so many unhealthy and manipulative relationships with men who took advantage of her. Now she is clean, living in a women's shelter and getting back on her feet. I could tell by the bruises on her arms and legs that the journey had not been easy for her and there had been some stumbles and falls along the way. But she got up, brushed herself off and pressed forward.

All along, she used music as an escape to release her emotions, muddle through her thoughts and get herself back on track. She told me that singing "Beautiful" helped remind her that she is beautiful and she was created to be that way. We began to play and sing together and it reminded me that we cannot determine or fathom how precious we are. Not only are we beautiful, we loved more than we could ever possibly understand, regardless of where we come from, have been or are going. And that's what I remind myself of daily: love, regardless.

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"I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being." - Hafiz

beautiful moment #2: compassion

i just spoke silence to a seeker next to me.

she had a heart with hesitant, halting speech.

that turned to mine and asked beligerently, "what do i live for?"

Living in Newfoundland, it is unheard of to not spend at least one Friday night on the infamous George Street, the street with the most bars per capita in the whole world. Being only 17, I knew I couldn't go to the bars, but I decided to go down and experience the environment of downtown St. John's with some friends. As we were passing the stairs on George Street, I saw a lady stumbing down the steep stairway. Very instinctively, I left the group and approached the lady to see if she needed help getting down the stairs. When I approached her, she looked terrified. Her eyes widened and she shrunk away when I reached out to put my hand on her shoulder. She was maybe 30 years old, her hair disheveled, her make-up smudged, her overalls undone and dirty. She was very intoxicated and the scent of alcohol on her breath was enough to make me feel tipsy. Even in the dark, I could see track marks running up the length of her arms. It broke my heart to see such a beautiful young lady in such a state, discounting all her potential, drowning her dreams in a bottle and shooting her hopes up her veins. She continued staring at me for about a minute, as if she was waiting for me to do something to her or just turn around and walk away. But I wasn't going anywhere. I asked her again if I could help her down the stairs and she reached for my outstretched hand, squeezed it, turned her head and vomitted on the stair. She gave me a faint smile, likely surprised that I didn't leave her and she squeezed my hand again as if to discern whether or not I was really there. I put my arm around her and walked her slowly to the foot of the stairs and when we reached the bottom, she hugged me and grabbed my chin. She smiled and reached for my hair. "It's so long," she said. I nodded and she continued, saying, "You must be an angel. I know it. You are glowing." I told her I wasn't an angel but I did care about her. She began to tear up and said, "No one has ever cared about me before. No one has ever loved me before. If I had a friend like you 15 years ago, I wouldn't be here, drunk and working the streets. Thank you for caring about me." I gave her a big hug, brought her to shelter and bundled her up. I gave her a big hug, told her she was loved and set off to find my friends.

I didn't bother explaining where I disappeared to. Just taking five minutes to show compassion to a stranger that everyone passed by so easily meant so much to her that it is hard to express it words. Love takes courage, patience and understanding. Thanks to that lovely lady on George Street, I learned a lesson in compassion. When being called to care for the least of these, it is the least we can do.

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"I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love." - Mother Teresa

beautiful moment #1: self-worth

you are worth the time it takes to take the time to get to know you.
you better believe that your worth it.

Thanks for making us smile.

The other day, during one of our team's meetings, to draw the St. John's phase of our project to a close, we began to go around and talk about our blessings and what we have been thankful for over the last three months in Newfoundland. As people began to thank each other for what they have done for our group -- showing compassion, having a good sense of humour, keeping our tummies full -- and the group was in agreement. One of the comments really struck me. And even though at the time it drew some chuckles and giggles from the group, it set a precident for self-worth and self-acknowledgement. As silence fell on the froup, one young man spoke up and said, "I'd like to thank myself for making people smile." No arrogance, no pride, just acknowledge one's contribution. No one could argue that he makes people smile with his joy, his funny stories or his musical talent.

So often people shy away from compliments and receiving encouragment. I am definitely guilty of that. But that is not humility. As Nelson Mandela said, "There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't fell insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." Accept encouragement. Fill your own love tank once in a while. We all run low from time to time. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging just how incredible you are. You are perfect. Just the way you are. Give yourself the credit that is due. Your playing small does not serve the world. Thank yourself and encourage those around you. All the love you give will boomerang right back to you along with so much more. Be bold, be strong, be beautiful, be intelligent, be brave, be yourself.

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"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." - Buddha